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Plainly Speaking
with Karl J. Forehand
How to Raise Your
Parents
by Karl J. Forehand
Honor your father and your mother, that
your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you. (Exodus
20:12)
Plato said, “There is no
debt so primary, so essential and so universal as the debt which every child
owes to every parent for the love and care which gave them life. “
This commandment is the first of the last six commandments
which deal with man’s relationship to man.
God considered it very important by listing it first. My wife couldn’t wait for me to preach
about this one. She kept telling our
kids, “Pretty soon daddy is going to preach about honoring your mother and
father….”
I can almost hear some say, “But my parents don’t deserve my
honor.” I say to you, “Of course
they don’t.” The only one that
truly DESERVES respect is our
heavenly Father. We honor our
parents out of respect for God. “But
you don’t understand, Pastor Karl – my parents are really stupid –- they
don’t have a clue.” You may feel like
Mark Twain who once said,
When I was fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly
stand to have the old man around. But
when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much he had learned in 7 years.
There is a progression we go through from children to
adults. As pre-adolescent children,
we have to obey with respect. We know
very little about the world and need mostly to be told what to do. When we reach adolescence, we still know
significantly less about the world that we think – but parent and child
should begin to cooperate and respect each other. Parents should be preparing ( or making way ) for the children
to eventually leave (Gen 2:24).
Therefore, a teenager may get a little “rope” and when they have
learned to respect the privileges they are give, they can be given more. I think, after leaving home, we learn to
treasure mom and dad. We realize they
were a lot smarter than we thought.
Then, later in life, we literally have to support out parents.
The roles change – a parent becomes more like a child in later
years; but the command stays the same – Honor. My mother doesn’t come over to my house and boss me
around. When we visit her, she doesn’t
tell me what to do; but I still give honor to her. After all, she gave me life.
My dad doesn’t say, “Eat all your food or I’ll send you to bed”
because he has raised me to make my own decisions; but I still try to honor
him.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is
right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a
promise), that it may be well with
you, and that you may live long on the earth. And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring
them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:1-4)
This passage, in Ephesians, quotes from both Ten Commandment
passages (Ex. 20, Deut 5). What does
it mean to honor? Honor literally
means to “make heavy.” Honoring our
parents means that we give “weight” to them. In other words, their words carry more importance than our
opinion or the opinions of our friends.
The passage says, “Children, obey.” Children must obey their parents; but, for the rest of our
lives, we must honor. God’s timing
determines when the roles change – but we never stop honoring our
parents. It is a life-long
command.
On
warning to any children who might read this.
This passage says, “Obey in the Lord.” Not only are you to obey because you are
trying to please the Lord, but you also have the right to question decisions
if you fear they are not in the Lord.
This command does not give parents the right to abuse, enslave or
treat children however they want. If
a child fears that His parents may be operating outside the will of God, they
are allowed to talk to another adult and question the behavior. Jesus said, “And whoever causes one of
these little ones who believe to stumble, it would be better for him if, with
a heavy millstone hung around his neck, he had been cast into the sea.” (Mark 9:42).
Why
should we honor?
1. Because it is “right.” There is a natural equity in it. It is what God says to do. The commandment carries a double
honor. By honoring our parents, we
are honoring God. Whether we agree
with the command has little to do with it.
If we don’t obey it, I believe we get children that pay us back. The ways I challenged my parents are the
exact same ways my children challenge me.
We honor our parents, because it is “right”
2. Beacuase, It will be “well”
with us. Did you realize that honoring
your parents is for you, not them.
Your obedience, respect and submission to them doesn’t really benefit
them any. It may make them happy; but
the real beneficiary is you. They are
doing their job – training up a child – teaching, etc. Parenting is basically hard and they are
doing it because they love you.
They’ll probably keep being your parents, even if you don’t honor
them. But, you honoring them helps
you. How?
3. Because you will live long on
the earth. My friend, Keith died in a car
wreck when he was 16. His mother
said, “Don’t go out with the boy.” He
did! He probably said, “You don’t
have the right to tell me who my friends are.” I barely recognized him in the casket. There are actual negative effects from
not honoring our parents. We will
literally live longer and have a more productive life by listening to our
parents. Something to think
about: If you can’t respect a parent
that loves you, how are you ever going to respect anyone else in
society.
4. Because it pleases the Lord
(Col. 3:20-21). Our primary allegiance and
obedience is to the Lord. Everything
we do should be as “unto the Lord.”
We’ve
talked about why to honor and what honor is; but aren’t there some practical
ways to honor?
How
we can honor?
1.
Gratitude and Appreciates. When you
appreciate something, you increase it’s value. Saying thank you and I appreciate you may even shock your
parents at first. But, for all their
hard work, it’s really the main thing they want in return – to be
acknowledged / appreciated.
2.
Obedience / Cooperation. As I said before, while you are young you have
to obey. As you get older, you have
to cooperate and help. Whatever age
you are at, recognize how you can make your parent’s job easier.
3.
Forgiveness / Reconciliation. Haven’t the
struggles gone on long enough. Isn’t
it time to put them in the past.
Reconcile where you can and then forgive the rest. Get on with you life. Don’t hold grudges with your family.
4.
Support –
If you are a child, do your chores – help around the house. If you a teenager, don’t question every
decision. Young adults, learn to be
independent. Adults get ready to
literally support your parents soon.
You
could probably think of a hundred practical ways to honor your parents. None of them have to be extravagant. They deserve it.
Karl J. Forehand
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